I believe that I am not my ideas; I believe I am a core set of values. My values (strongest beliefs) are the foundation of the filter I use to make decisions for my life. I am continually growing my values based on my life experiences and my desire to continually develop my character. I am constantly filtering ideas, conversations, what I read, and what I listen to to find truths I can apply to my life.
I have also done the work to establish my identity as an individual. My identity is the other important part of the filter I have created to be able to re-aim my life daily in the direction I want to go. This kind of clarity allows me to have a starting point no matter the opportunity or adversity I’m facing. Making mistakes is human; I’m always falling short, but living accountable to my code gives me a fighting chance to control my emotions and correct my attitude consistently. Emotions give life meaning, and values are the guard rails that keep me moving forward.
It is the mark of a mature person to be able to be in a conversation that challenges your ideas and beliefs and then keep your emotions under control. The understanding that you don’t have to believe what another person believes just because you are in conversation with them seems obvious. Still, it’s a skill you must intentionally hone to keep gaining perspective and growing.
There is a difference between compromising your values and being in a thought-provoking, challenging conversation with someone who doesn’t necessarily believe exactly what you do. At one point or another, all of us have found ourselves in a conversation like that.
Play this game, use this mindset tool in a conversation that challenges your beliefs: CAPTURE YOUR FIRST THOUGHT - If your first thought is to be offended, you know you're wrong. Being offended means, YOU are not good enough with your words. It means YOU need to do more work to define yourself and put what you believe into language, so it’s a tool in your life, become a better communicator. Fix your bad speech with better speech.
How can I be sure I’m right? Because it’s just true that nobody can make you feel. Each of us as an individual can be in control of our emotional responses and our attitude. It’s not easy and it takes practice. We will constantly feel, that is to be human, but we can train how we will respond. Being prepared for a mature conversation where we don’t confuse the ideas we are working through with our values requires introspective, personal work.
It is a mistake to be married to your ideas. We should constantly be testing what we believe in, strengthening those values, continually be willing to be in conversations that challenge us to organize our thoughts and perspective. Self-certainty is one of the worst human attributes in my mind. When I say self-certainty, I’m describing a person who is an ideologue, who thinks what they believe on a given subject is right and who becomes defensive if their perspective is challenged. Being right and speaking the truth is not the same thing. Ideas, values, and identity are all different things, and each plays an essential role in our mindset.
Keep Coming Forward,
Jim Hensel
